Thursday, September 15, 2005

I Don't Miss It

Really, I don't.

I don't miss the coughing and the smell and the tip-toeing around other people. I don't miss the lost cash, the exposure to the hot sun, and the looks of disgust on the faces of passerbys. I don't even miss the breaks from reality that I cherished in the past.

It's been two months (give or take a week). I think I offically quit smoking.

I say, "I think," because I can't read the future and I don't know anything (about anything) for sure. But, this looks pretty legit. I've quit before, once, but was smoking the occasional cigarette once or twice a week. This time, I haven't touched one and barely have cravings. I miss it occasionally, the social aspect, the extra something-to-do while walking the dog, the afterhours celebration with some alcohol.

I never considered myself a real "smoker." Sure, I smoked for five years, put packs daily or cartons weekly, but I never fully embraced the smoker-culture. Yes, I smoked indoors, yes, I had ashtrays all over my room, and yes, I loved smoking. I wasn't one of those "uch, i hate this" types, I enjoyed myself with it. A nice, slow, smoke after a good meal. A quiet lonesome smoker listening to a quiet sad song. (I just had a pang of pain and memory, btw.) But, I never liked the smell or the aftereffects. I never smoked near non-smokers. I was very aware of my naccous, abrasive, habit and how disruptive it can be to the enviroment.

Now, as a former smoker, I have been known to occasionally rail against smokers. At a show a couple weeks ago, I was sandwiched between two smokers. I felt ill and annoyed. There was almost some shoving and fighting, but I calmed myself and moved aside. And yet I encourage smokers to "do their thing" near me. It doesn't bother me if it's one person being courteous. This weekend I'll be in a indoor heavy smoke-filled enviroment; I don't know how I'll react.

When people ask me why I quit, I can't really say. My girlfriend had something to do with it. My new job had something to do with it. The damnable heat of a Florida summer definitely had something to do with it. But it was more of a coming-of-age decision. It had been building forawhile. When people would heckle me for smoking, I'd jokingly say, "I'm quitting tomorrow." Joke's on me: It came true.


Christopher Barzak said...

Good for you! And good luck. Be weary of times in the future that may not be as steady and good as it is now, because at unstable moments in our lives is when you'll want to pick a cigarette up again. Only saying that because I'm a social smoker. I don't generally have problems with addictions of any sort. I can pick things up and put them down easily. My obsessions change to quickly. But there have been a couple periods in my life where smoking was more important to me than it should have been. Usually in depressed periods. Otherwise, I only have a cigarette now if I've had a few drinks, which I have no problem with. But I have to tell myself repeatedly that when times are rough, not to go back to buying packs. If I'm actually buying cigarettes, it's a problem!

Keep it up!

Elad said...

Yeah, I know the danger of starting up again, especially in darker times. I smoked a lot when I was living in SF, probably because I was alone all day in my room and pseudo-depressed.

I'd like to get to the point where I could have a cigarette during a night of drinking and it be no problem. Just for old times sake. But, unlike you Chris, I do have a slight addiction problem (if i like something, i'll do it. a lot). So I won't tempt myself for a long time.

To be honest, even though I smoked for a good amount of time, it really wasn't that hard to quit. I carried a pack of smokes in my bag for almost a month after just to test myself. Never touched 'em.

Anonymous said...

Very nice work.


Elad said...

thanks, yo. how bout you?

Anonymous said...

Ah heh. Ah ha. Ha.

Maybe, once I'd actually be doing it for me instead of for other people. I'm very selfish.

I stopped the other stuff, though.


Elad said...

i've traded in one stuff for the other stuff.

(wait, what are we talking about?)

Anonymous said...

i kept brown and stopped green. i'm guessing you = reverse.

Elad said...

yep. (hahaha.)

so you completely deleted your blogger account? weirdo.

Anonymous said...

no, my blogger account's still up, but i haven't touched it since i moved my blog.